When a pawn hits a conflict
by MelTheorist
Summary: How does Kate reveal her secret?    Spoiler to season 4's premier.
1. Chapter 1

Dedicated to my extraordinary ABC Castle Board family. May we survive this ordeal TPTB are putting us through and come out stronger than ever!

- ABC is in the process of replacing the Boards for a Twitter and FB feed. We have a contingency plan to relocate. It's truly sad that avid fans and wholesome discussion is being booted for a repeat of sound bites and noise.

We're still fighting to keep it up. If you'd like to help out, let me know.

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><p>In one of these great threads of discussion, a poster brought up the issue of how things would pass when Kate's secret got out.<br>How will she ever go about telling him? Would some dire circumstance plummet her walls down?

The following is one of my One Shot FanFic's I sometimes do on the Boards, but will not be able to on their new Discuss-ting Board... (_yeah, I'm grumpy!_)

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><p>Castle is contemplating suspending his collaboration with the NYPD, and casually informs Kate that he will start to become unavailable...<p>

Kate confronts him, says _"You can't leave Castle, you are supposed to have my back..."_

Castle, grinning, brushes her aside, not noticing Kate is dead serious _"You're a big girl, you can take care of yourself."_

Kate's stomach turns into knots as she bursts _"Castle...?"_

Castle looks up at her, sees Kate's arms wide open, shaking her head in disbelief at the sight of him walking away. Effortless. Again. His grin gives way to a frowned eyebrow concern. Castle's voice lowers _"Kate, I'm giving you a break. We both need some time."_

Kate's voice comes out strong and sharp. Annoyingly authoritative, even to her own self she fires "_Well last time I checked, you said you were my partner. Last time I checked, you said Always." Her voice cracks "Last time I checked, you said you l..._

Castle interrupts, reminded of how these discussions tend to go. His demeanor reeks of mixed emotions _"Last time, I heard you say we were over. Last time, I heard **you** say you needed time. Now..."_

Kate steps towards him and cuts his train of thought with the scent of her perfume and the sight of her teared up eyes. Her voice drops _"Well last time I heard **you** say you loved me."_

Castle can only manage to gasp. Her words force him to step back and blink in disbelief.

Kate carries on in her deep caring tone of voice, the one she wanted to use all along with him _"You said you loved me and I fought it."_ She smiles nervously _"Castle, I fought it with all I had and it still came back to haunt me. Every day."_ She pauses as she closes in, sweeter and sweeter _"It kept reminding me of a better life, of the person I want to be soooo bad..."_ She whispers and steps nearer and nearer up into the pool of deep blue confusion that has settled in Rick's eyes. She smiles hopefully _"But it kept showing up. That's just it with you, isn't it? You just keep showing up..."_

Castle retorts with a voice still full of hurt _"Until the day I don't."_

Kate's smile disappears and a wrinkle of fear of being too late settles in her forehead. She loses her balance and searches his face for an answer, the answer on how to bring back the love she can't afford to lose. In her mind, there is only question:

How does one of NY's finest detectives find that answer, and solve the most important mystery of her life?


	2. Chapter 2

It **was** going to be a one shot... **was**...

Thanks so much for the reviews and the encouragement :) I'll try not to take too long to end this.  
>Any edit remarks are welcome, as English is not my first language and I do abuse of 'false friends' and other terms sometimes.<p>

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><p><em>"Why Richard...!"<em>, Martha widely exasperated, incredulous, and with her hands waving in the air as Castle finished his account and passes by her, still boiling _"You're telling me that you just walked out of there like that?"_

Castle anxiously pours himself a single malt and after some hesitation, adds more ounces for good measure _"What was I supposed to do? She lied to me." _He stares into the glass and adds_ "I was such a fool..."_

Martha steps forward and, without a second thought, grabs the glass from Castle's heavyhearted grasp and takes a big sip. She shakes her head as the golden liquid finds it's way to calm her nerves _"I don't get you kids these days."_ She points a knowing finger at him _"I really hope you know what you are doing, kiddo. After the curtain calls, the show's over. And believe me, you can't rely on the audience to call you back on stage with Bravos."_

Castle had followed the glass with longing eyes _"That's mi-..."_ he starts to protest, but stops and turns to pour himself another glass. _"With Beckett... It's just... too complicated..."_ he manages to say.

Martha shrugs that comment aside with her left hand as she sighs. With a deep voice of concern she cues him on _"Well, what did she say when you said you might not come back anymore?"_

_"Nothing."_ He takes a long sip and closes his eyes as he recalls the image of her faint girly smile wavering from the weight of his threat. It had given way to a pale expressionless mask, similar to the one that she wore in that dreadfully slow ambulance. He swallows the memory down with the scotch. He dryly adds _"She said nothing, and that's not enough. Not anymore."_ He lets his body drop heavily onto the couch.

Martha pauses and observes her son. She feels his confusion and wrestles with the right words to say in her mind _"Well you know you're going to have to deal with this soon, right? You can't avoid her indefinitely."_

Castle looks up at her in surprise, as what she means hits him _"Ryan's wedding..."_

_"Richard..."_ she says with her velvety tone _"Just write the ending to this story, already."_ She moves closer to him, and at his hopeless sad face, she whispers in a tease _"Come on... You know how you want this to end. Hell Richard, we all know it."_ She taps his shoulder, as she slips out of the emotional supportive role and into the cheering and engaging role. She raises her voice, encouragingly _"Now you really should get working on that dialogue so it's right this time!"_ She empties her glass, sets it down and turns towards the stairs. _"Kevin Ryan, right? Any relation to George Ryan, real estate magnate, film and theater aficionado?" _she melodically asks as she pauses mid way.

Castle remains seated slouched over, staring at her, as his elbows rest on his legs. Suddenly shaken by his mother's sudden change of tone and subject, his back straightens and his eyebrows lift up with a jolt _"Uh? Umm, I think he's a distant uncle, just flying in for the wedding."_

Martha giddily claps her hands as her eyes widen with excitement _"Then **I** should really get working on my wardrobe!" _she hollers playfully as she heads to go up the stairway.

Castle instinctively looks back at the kitchen island, to the empty stool where Alexis would exchange an affectionate condemning glance with him. _"Gosh I miss her..."_ he thinks.

At the top of the stairs Martha concludes _"And Alexis would tell you to do the same thing I just did, by the way."_

Castle reluctantly finishes his drink and lets his back rest up against the couch's cushions. A sense of ease flushes through his body as at least the physical weight is no longer on him to bear. He closes his eyes as the alcohol provides a numbing sensation to his brain. Things start to get quieter inside. Thoughts stop elbowing each other without mercy for his attention. All he can think about is Kate. How she knew how he felt. _"She knows"_ he thinks, and somehow it brings him relief. However, he still stands in the dark about how she feels, and _"It's not enough anymore"._ All thoughts merge into that one once admirable, now hurtful question:

_"What if Kate Beckett is truly the mystery I am never going to solve?"_


	3. Chapter 3

To my dearest Teelduo, for her generosity in proof reading this or, as she puts it, "Getting to read the good stuff first!"

With her, all my chapters make sense.  
>:)<em><br>_

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><p><em>"Giiiirl... I'm a gonna smack you!"<em> Lanie protested, angrily. _"You've known all this time, and when you finally have the guts to tell him, you just let him walk away like that?"_ She gave her lips a disapproving twist and moaned _"Hmm mmm!"_

Kate nervously paced the morgue, _"What was I supposed to do? I couldn't just draw my gun and tell him to freeze!"_ She came to a halt and she ran her fingers through her hair, staring down at the ground. Kate looked up at Lanie with a fearful sigh _"I really messed this up, didn't I?"_

Lanie, waving her right hand still holding her ten blade _"Well what did you expect was going to happen?"_ The ME takes a deep breath and puts the scalpel down. _"Damn girl... I don't understand you two. I thought you knew what you were doing. "_

Kate smiled faintly as she followed the scalpel with her eyes, _"Thanks for putting that down."_

Lanie retorts sarcastically _"Like **this** was gonna top the damage that you seem to be doing to yourself lately?"_ After seeing surprise in Kate's eyes due to her relentless harsh tone, she continued _"Oh no, honey! Do not give me those sad puppy eyes!"_ she wags her finger at Kate's face _"You know who has been wearing those sad eyes around for months? A certain famous writer that's who."_ Lanie places her hands on her hip, nods her head in commendation for Castle's move and mumbles _"He said he loved you, well I'll be damned..." _Lanie grins proudly and continues talking to herself_ "Yeah! Esposito owes me $20."_ After biting her lower lip, Lanie proceeds on track _"Now you know I can't let you off the hook on this one. I know you Kate and you'll only make a move if someone's house is on fire. Well here's a newsflash for you honey: the house is officially burning down."_

Kate stands firmly, for the first time fully taking in Lanie's blazing friendly fire. She holds her breath to cope and hopes Lanie will confirm to her what she longs to do. _"What do I do now, Lanie?"_

Lanie's tough cover softens only a bit, as she lets a sigh escape from her mouth. She shrugs her shoulders and in a to-the-point manner she asks_ "Do you love him?"_

_"I think so."_ Kate tentatively replies, avoiding eye contact.

Lanie pushes forward and impatiently resumes her previously hard ass tone _"Castle said he's gone. For all you know that means you two are over, and you only **think** so?"_ Lanie shakes her head _"Uh-uh, that's not enough, sweetheart."_ She goes in for the kill as her voice lowers _"How bad does this make you feel?"_

_"Like I'm going to be sick."_ Kate answered in pure honesty, looking up at Lanie as her own eyes begin to overflow.

Lanie chooses her words carefully _"I know for sure that if you let Castle out of your life, that feeling will only get worse and you **will not **survive this.** Do not** let him get away."_ She pauses as Kate wipes the tears that are now streaming down her cheeks with both her hands. Lanie's voice turns strong and encouraging_ "Now get the hell out of my morgue and go get your man!"_ Lanie's voice cracks as she looks down to hold back her own tears and mumbles _"Crying in my morgue...?"_ Lanie looks back up, and yells _"Go!"_ to a seemingly paralyzed Kate.

Kate looks straight at Lanie and smiles as she struggles with this new found hope and the urge to hug this woman. _"Thank you"_ she manages to say, beaming.

Lanie proudly observes as Kate grabs her coat and rushes to leave _"Don't thank me, you still gotta do the legwork yourself."_

_"You know I needed that last push."_ Kate acknowledges, midway through the doorway, while holding the door.

_"Yeah, but what you also need is some lipstick..."_ Lanie tilts her head to the side and shouts at the hurrying Kate, dashing through the corridor _"It wouldn't hurt, you know!"_


	4. Chapter 4

_"So what do you think?"_ Martha joyfully asked, as she paraded her figure hugging dress, as it's shimmery golden fabric caught the light _"For Ryan's wedding..."_ she pauses and adds a dramatic flare to her words _"Does this scream -Hello Mr. Real Estate, wont you take me to Hollywood-?"_

Castle looks up from his desk, over his laptop screen and replies with the same dramatic tone _"Oh I hear screams... my credit card is screaming -Oh kill me, kill me now!-"_

Martha fanned her hand at him, _"Oh Richard..."_ She spun around _"When will you ever learn life is too short for such minor concerns,"_ She dropped her tone and smirked, shaking what her momma gave her _"especially when you look like **this**?" _

Visibly disturbed, Castle opened his mouth to answer when the door bell rang. Martha, already guessing that no good would come from that conversation, quickly escaped towards the door "_Ah!, and there's my cue!"_ She pulls at the door in a wide gesture, as she assumes a Rita Hayward style pose.

Kate was bewildered with the light reflecting from the golden sequences. She was nervously clenching her coat after taking those few extra seconds before the door opened to fix her hair in the hall's mirror.

_"Why... what a surprise dear!"_ Martha loudly announces_ "Detective Beckett! We were just talking about you!"_ She fumbles a bit with the awkward inquisitive stare Kate gives her _"Well not you-you, just about life, and how it's... well... short..."_ Martha waves her hand in a vain attempt to reset the conversation where her foot isn't in her mouth._ "Aaah never mind! Well, don't just stand there, come on in!"_

Castle, after learning who's at the door, clumsily knocks his legs on the desk as he starts to get up. _What the hell is she doing here?_, he thinks. He rubs them to ease the pain. He stands up to greet her, as a gentleman is supposed to, as he was taught. And he waits her move.

Kate nervously enters the loft, _"Thank you Martha"_ she manages to say while searching her surroundings for Castle. _"Is Cas-, is Richard home?"_ she asks quietly, somehow partially wishing he wasn't there so she could have more time to think about what she will say.

_"Richard is in the study, dear"_ Martha smiles and leans over to welcome Kate with a hug. She whispers while she closes in _"Just... tell him."_ As she tilts her body back, she lets her hands linger on Kate's shoulders, winks, and with an endearing smile, she goes back to welcoming Kate _"Aaaaah!... Can I take your coat?"_

Kate stutters_ "Uh, yeah, yes, thank you!"_ She hands it over to Martha and as she looks towards the study, she sees Castle standing in the doorway.

Martha swirls around and sees her son. She turns back to Kate and exchanges one last knowing look with her, as she chooses her words_ "Well now, please..., make yourself at **home**,... will you dear?"_ Martha turns to leave with Kate's coat. She purposely looks at Castle and silently mouths _"End this right"_, meanwhile she gives him an enthusiastic thumbs up, hidden from Kate's sight. She leaves the two alone.

Kate nervously sticks her hands in her back jean pockets and looks slyly to Castle. She tentatively asks _"Can we talk?"_

Castle consents with a nod, and with an open gesture invites her into his study. _"Sure..."_

Kate looks into Castle's office, and hesitates. She shrugs her shoulders _"Got anything to eat? I haven't eaten all day..."_

_"Yeah!"_ Castle's manners take over, and he steps into the the living room, and lists the things he can make with appetite, while he instinctively grabs an apron in the kitchen.

_"Got anything to eat?"_ Kate mumbles to herself, as she can't believe she just asked Castle to cook for her and she rolls her eyes, condemning herself. She follows him to the kitchen, and she slips onto the stool and drapes her upper body onto the island's counter top. She interrupts him with a faint smile _"Can you make me some pancakes?"_

Castle stops and stares at her. _"Pancakes...?"_

Kate bites her lip in a shy manner and smiles looking downward, _"You make the best pancakes..."_ She shrugs and folds her arms and tilts forward on the counter and adds _"I have ever had..."_

Castle sighs and nods, while he takes out the right pan and starts to prepare the ingredients. After a while of silence, he says _"So...?"_

_"Umm, yeah, talk... right!"_ Kate stutters as she is brought back to the purpose of her presence there tonight. _"It's just so easy to not talk to you..."_ she begun to say, unaware that she was sharing that out loud.

_"I noticed..."_ Castle dryly remarked, and the feeling of a punch to his own stomach reminded him how that wasn't included in the 'dialogue he wrote to end this'.

Kate backtracked, _"No! What I mean is... What do I mean?"_ She laughed nervously as she looked away _"I'm good with a gun...-"_

_"I've noticed that too"_ Castle interrupted, grinning. _"That was more like it"_, he thought as he mixed the bowl.

_"-...you're good at words"_, she smiled back at him. _"Ok, and I think we can also add that I can state the obvious too..."_

Castle turned off the burner. He couldn't concentrate on anything else._ "Kate, if you have something to say, please say it."_

Kate looked at him for a moment, she rolled her eyes up and bit her lip, holding back the smile. She rocked her body on the stool as if the pendulum movement would help her now. _"What I'm not good is at saying this. I'm **really** not."_ She paused and pushed forward _"I think I love you too..."_

Castle mistakenly placed his right hand on the ceramic burner for support and yelped as it burned through the shock of Kate's words. _"Oh shiii-!"_

Kate swerved over the kitchen island, knocking the stool over. She grabbed his right pulse and yanked him over to the sink. She placed his burnt hand under cold running water.

Castle was in pain_ "Ahh! Damn it, it burns like hell."_

Kate's response was determined _"Damn it Castle, I know! I KNOW!"_ she turned the water off as to examine the reddened skin.

Castle looked at his hand and squinted with the sight _"Ahh, ok, ok... you don't have to yell at me."_

Kate grabbed a clean cloth and gently dried Castle's hand and his arm. _"I'm not yelling at you, I'm telling you that I know. I don't think, I know."_

Castle started to blow on his hand and stopped mid way to look at her, puzzled.

_"I know I love you Castle."_ Without looking up, she put the cloth down and examined the wound. It was only a superficial burn and didn't show signs of blistering. Kate looks at him from under her brow line, making her eyes seem larger than life _"Now we need to take care of business. Do you have ointment?"_

Castle's face showed the fluster of thoughts running amok in his head _"Wai-, wha-, huh... I... What?"_ he shook his head and leaned heavily against the cabinets to collect his thoughts. He makes his best bad-boy-wanting-to-be-good face and his voice goes into that Please-pretty please? place. Castle manages to inquire with a raised eyebrow, struggling to get his mind out of the gutter _"Ointment...?"_


End file.
